She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
