Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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