respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
