I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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