My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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