if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
