He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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