I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
