there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
