hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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