i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
