they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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