I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
