Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
