Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
