I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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