Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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