we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
