yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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