Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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