mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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