Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
