So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
