Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
