there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
