i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
