you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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