No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
