Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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