i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
