Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
