went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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