dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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