I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
