____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
