My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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