I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
