She is in my trunk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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