You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
