saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize