the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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