best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
