Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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