the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
