Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
