just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
