Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
