Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
