Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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