just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
