I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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