Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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