Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
