people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need moral support for this bender
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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