If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
