Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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