I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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