be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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