It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
