he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His nipple licking is glorious
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
