why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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