What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
