I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
