So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
