Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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