Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my being single is dangerous.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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