And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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