so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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