im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
