Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
