I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
