brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
