Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
