Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
