I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I could fuck to npr.