we have officially lost it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?