Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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