I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
