well most of my day revolves around power hour
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
