Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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